Living in single splendour

LIVING IN SINGLE SPLENDOUR

            Being single is not always easy. Yet we all know of single people who are socially, emotionally and financially secure and living their lives fully. More and more young and mature adults are choosing to be single rather than to get involved in a committed relationship. From the most recent U.S. census data at the time of my research in 2010, there are nearly 90 million unmarried Americans – a whopping 41 percent of all American adults in USA.

Living alone has lots of challenges too. If you are not careful, you can easily fall into a rut which can potentially lead to solitude, loneliness and even depression. Yet living alone can also lead to a more meaningful relationship with yourself. You have the chance to spend  more time with yourself. You have   more opportunities to discover yourself  through self analysis and  reflection, thus nurturing the “Me”.

Thanks to social media, people have a tremendous choice at their finger tip. They have so many people coming into their life through daily interactions and social media that it’s difficult to build deep intimate relationship. More and more young people choose to stay single, not willing to settle for an “average” partner in life. They look at other couples around them and see that things are not that great with their relationships. That doesn’t mean that they shut off  the possibility of living in partnership with someone else.

Most young people like guys who are responsible, confident and reliable, but more importantly they must be “cool”. Going solo is the new “cool” lifestyle. Living alone is being celebrated in most western countries. In Sweden, sixty per cent of the population  live in single splendour. Individuality is actively promoted in this country. People there are a bit disillusion by the institution of marriage. Society is moving towards valuing individuality and developing policies for the individuals, rather than focussing on the virtues of the family. The world seems to be shifting from We to Me. And lots of young adults are embracing the single lifestyle as a preference.

There are many reasons, why they choose to be single. Some have made their minds early on because they have seen their parents quarrelling all the time and gone through an ugly divorce. They know of friends living in partnership separating after ugly fights. Others have gone through one or more deceptions in their intimate relationships, and have decided that they have had enough of heartbreaks. Others are still looking for partners but are not lucky enough to find the right ones. Yet others have gone through one relationship to another many times over in search for the elusive goal of fulfillment without finding it. They may have been disillusioned again and again. They are now avoiding relationships altogether in an attempt to avoid more disillusion and pain.

            It is safe to say that most men and women want to have an intimate and meaningful relationship with a partner. They are hoping to meet the right partner in life. However, most single adults would rather be alone than to be in an unhealthy relationship. They would rather be single than settle for a mediocre relationship just to escape loneliness. Most educated single adults have raised the bar. It is not about just sexual attraction or financial security. It is more about finding compatibility, soul mate and real love.

            The legendary TV series, Sex in the City, and other multi-media entertainment glorify the glamour and excitement of single lifestyle. They promote the freedom and thrill of meeting other beautiful and fashionable people usually with plenty of money to spend. In reality, life is much more routine and boring than the glamour of TV series and soap operas. More often, being single means eating pizza or drinking a can of soup alone in front of the TV. Very often, single adults have to face nosy questions about their marital status, especially when the biological clock is ticking for women. The whole emphasis in our culture seems to be that it’s almost unnatural or a sin to be single.

            Singleness can also be a choice, a state of mind, and an attitude. Many people who have gone through a few or many relationships decide to remain single and live on their own. They have either given up on their search of a life partner or they are just content to being single. They manage to live alone and like it. They still have friends and enjoy their lives to the full. Are you one of them? Bravo! If you are happily married like me, even better.

                                                               

Excerpt from my book: Become your best, 2014 Version. To be published January 2014.

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