Accept yourself and be self-reliant

ACCEPT YOURSELF AND BE SELF-RELIANT

Once you are aware of the reality and the truth about yourself, you are able to understand why you are the way you are and behave the way you behave. Most importantly, you will learn to love and accept yourself as you are. You must accept who you are at the present even though you want to change and become a better person. Accepting yourself and being self-reliant put your well-being into your own hands. Acceptance of self is surrendering to what is: our circumstances, our values and beliefs, our emotions and feelings, our problems, our strengths and shortcomings, our financial status, our dreams and goals, our relationships with other people, and our procrastination.
You are a special and unique individual. From birth to death, the only person you can count on to be there with you during good and bad times is YOU. Understand that you are the one person on whom you can and should depend at all times. Become your best friend because you are going to spend all your time together. You might as well enjoy your company. Don't spend your life trying to be somebody else. The easiest thing to be in the world is yourself. Simplify your life, come as you are. You don't need to seek external confirmation of your ability, integrity and worth. You have feelings and opinions about yourself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Have a compassionate attitude toward yourself on the inside and on the outside, and don't undermine your self-esteem. Self-acceptance means in essence learning the lesson of compassion for oneself.
If there are some mistakes you made or some aspects of your personality you want to work on, accept these facts and try to do something positive about them. All things in life are imperfect, including you. When you accept your imperfection, you can embrace life and try to enhance yourself. Accept your life experiences, attitudes and emotional reactions. Make a commitment to accept and trust your intention with respect to people, situations and aspirations. There are many things about which you can do nothing so why not accept them and do the best you can with what you have. For example, you cannot change some of the characteristics that were given to you at birth. You may be short or tall, you may be dark or fair skinned and you may have an aptitude for figures and facts or for abstract subjects. You can accept yourself as you are and yet keep helping yourself to become better in areas you can improve. Have the confidence to be yourself and improve yourself in areas of your choice. Don't hide the natural you under all kinds of artificial masks and disguises. You don't need to have a major surgical operation or a face lift to feel lovable. To have self-reliance and confidence, you have to understand and develop your self-awareness. As you become more aware of your self-acceptance, you can move toward growth and fulfillment without fear.
Your reality is the values, beliefs, ideas, experiences and attitudes you have right now. You must understand the basis of the present reality and know that you are doing your best within your personal reality. The key to change is to accept your behaviour and other people's behaviour without judgement and without imposing your values on others. Realize that no one must change just to make you feel better. What you have to do is reevaluate your self-awareness. See whether you can enhance the clarity and vision with which you perceive and understand everything that affects your life. If something or someone is disturbing you physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually, you can change your reaction to the disturbing source by your conscious thoughts and decisions. Evaluate the potential benefits of changing your self-awareness and choose your response and reaction accordingly.
Recognition of our self-worth as a person is a crucial factor in building self-acceptance. Practically all our problems are the results of how we feel about ourselves. Our self-esteem is based on our personal self-acceptance and perception as a worthy or unworthy individual. It is the foundation on which to build our whole life. Often, people judge themselves almost exclusively in terms of achievement, prestige, power, money and physical attractiveness. They tend to be more preoccupied with how other people feel about them than how they feel about themselves. They feel bad if they cannot meet other people's expectations, paying less attention to their own needs and aspirations. They have a strong fear of rejection and failure, never daring to allow themselves to be rejected.
From an early age, you have been used to being compared to others. Do not compare yourself to others or judge yourself by comparison. There is absolutely no need for it. You rarely compare yourself with others that are worse off than you. You usually compare yourself with friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues and famous people who are better off than you in one way or another. Making self-defeating comparisons is not a helpful thing to do. It is counterproductive and undermines your self-esteem. When you compare yourself unfavourably with other people in terms of educational qualifications, physical attributes, social status and wealth, you open yourself to self-doubt. You undermine your self-confidence and become discouraged to strive effectively to fulfill your own potential. If you allow this type of negative thinking to take over, it's not long before you feel resentful, discontented and depressed.
You can always find someone who is better or worse than you if you look hard enough. The person who compares himself or herself to others tends to live in a state of frustration and envy. He or she is always trying to do better than the next person. In the process, life loses its enjoyment. If you are confident and sure of yourself and your abilities, you don't feel the need to compete or compare yourself with others. Your sense of self-worth should not depend on how you measure up in comparison to others, but whether you remain true to your personal priorities and values. Don't worry whether other people are better off than you, create a lifestyle that meets your needs, aspirations and desires. The only thing that matters in the end is how you think of your own achievement based on your own efforts and abilities.
Self-reliance is the belief that you can handle things, solve your problems and become successful. Unfortunately, many people have the habit of depending on others, abdicating all personal authority and responsibility in favour of another person, organization, government, or religion. They permit this person, group or religion to be responsible for their happiness. They then have the luxury of having someone or something to blame whenever failure occurs. Since childhood, most of us have been conditioned to look at others for our welfare, and for guidance and wisdom. First it was our parents, then our teachers and later on our partners, colleagues, mentors, advisors and role models. While dependency plays an important role in our early upbringing and education, it was never intended to obliterate individual identity, personality and responsibility. It is very important to realize that even children should be encouraged to be self-reliant and should be given as much responsibility as they can handle at an early age. Every time you do something that your children are capable and willing to do for themselves, you may be undermining their self-esteem and confidence. Allow them to do whatever they can, even though it may not be done as well as what you expect. Allow them to make mistakes as long as the mistakes are not going to be catastrophic. Once they are willing to learn from them, most likely, they will not repeat them. They will know that, whatever they do, they either earn their own rewards or suffer the consequences of their mistakes.
You all have the innate ability to resolve most of the difficulties and problems you face. Ideas and solutions come easier when you are self-reliant and confident. You have a better chance to create options in situations where none seem to exist. If you are self-reliant, you don't need to blame others or external circumstances for the conditions of your life. You take responsibility for making your own decisions. You don't need to find somebody to depend on and to seek approval for everything you do. There will always be some people who disagree with you because we are all individuals with our own opinions and perceptions. When you meet disapproval, take it with a positive attitude. Think of self-enhancing thoughts rather than let the disapproval upset you. Trust yourself and believe in yourself. You don't have to argue or try to convince anyone of your belief and opinion. It is OK for people to have different opinions. You are what you choose to think and do, let others be what they want to be. You are able to meet life's challenges with confidence by looking at each situation in the light of reality.
Self-reliance does not mean that you should not accept or even ask for the much-needed help and assistance from others on occasion. It just means that you do not depend on them for your well-being, success and happiness. You cease to expect others to rescue you every time you are in trouble. It means you are secure within yourself taking full responsibility for your actions. You take personal responsibility for your successes and failures without blaming others for your lot in life. Self-reliance should not prevent you from asking for help when you need it. The nourishing effects of give-and-take, of assisting, of cooperating and of being helped do not preclude you from being self-reliant. Independence and reliance are valuable assets but they should not imply the rejection of other people's help. As you develop self-reliance, you will have the confidence to meet each life situation with self-assurance and poise. You will have more freedom to make better and wiser choices about the priorities in your life.

Extract from my book: Become your Best
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