Turn fear into power

TURN FEAR INTO POWER

Fear is a behavior dominated by an impression of unpleasant emotions, accompanied by reactions of the sympathetic nervous system giving rise to the desire for flight, trembling fits, mental paralysis, and physical inability to take instant action. Fear is acquired from unpleasant and frightening experiences. Fear can also protect us from dangerous situations. Most people have some kind of fear: fear of losing the important things in life, fear of pain, fear of loneliness, fear of making the wrong decisions, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of animals, fear of death, fear of public speaking, fear of rejection, fear of heights, fear of loss of liberty. The fear of losing our family, friends, jobs or possessions drives some of us to cling to them so desperately that it can make the situation even worse.
In our materialistic society and this economic downturn, one of the most common fears is that of poverty; of being unemployed, of not earning enough money to provide for oneself and our family, and of being financially dependent on others in our old age. Fear of failure predisposes most people not to attempt any venture that carries an element of risk. Fear of loneliness and isolation sometimes make people stay in relationships where they are abused and exploited. Fear of making wrong decisions keeps us from moving ahead with our lives. People fear death not because there is no escape from it but more because they don't know what lies ahead after death, if anything.
Fear of rejection makes us reluctant to invite new acquaintances to go out or to ask for help from people we don't know even when we desperately need it. Do you remember looking for dates in your teenage years? I remember agonizing about how best to invite a girl friend to a dancing party. Do I phone her or invite her face to face? I was very scared of being rejected and also a bit excited at the possibility of her accepting the invitation. It took a lot of courage and risk taking to ask her out but I eventually did it. Like most teenagers, I faced my fear of rejection and survived. How many shy persons have missed the opportunity to make meaningful relationships because they have difficulty overcoming their fear to approach and make contact with people.
People who are afraid to show and express their true feelings because they fear to disclose themselves are often misunderstood and unhappy. All of us are somewhat afraid to expose ourselves as we really are, without pretence or facade. One way of facing this fear is to take the risk of disclosing a part of our real self to others a little at a time. We have to carry on in spite of our fear because if we allow it to control us, our life can become very miserable. We can become hostage to our fears by putting ourselves in self-imprisonment if we don't confront them.
We are born fearless. We become fearful of something through our unpleasant experience, distorted thinking and inflated ego. I was very fearful of dogs because as a child I was bitten several times by dogs. Today I still won't approach some big dogs without knowing them very well. In the presence of their owners I have learned to feel comfortable with dogs and I take every opportunity to pat them, something which I could not do before. By reprogramming your mind, you can accept your fear and eventually overcome it. I believe you can reprogram the thinking that had been keeping you hostage of your own insecurities and preventing you from experiencing life to its fullest. If from your childhood to adulthood, you've been told repeatedly to be extremely careful, to leave the risks and responsibilities to others and that you can't handle challenges and problems, you might very well be scared of doing many things. The difference between people who are paralyzed and ineffective because of their fears and those who are functional and effective despite their fears is in how they cope with them. The people who succeed in achieving their goals in the end are those who forge ahead in spite of their fears, doubts and worries.
If you have faith in God or in divine presence, your faith acts as an antidote to your fear. When you truly believe that God is always with you, giving you divine guidance, the notion of fear dissipates and eventually vanishes. However, not many people have this kind of faith that can rid them completely of fears. Most of us will continue to experience fear. To achieve our goals we will inevitably have to confront some of the things we fear. One of the best ways to overcome fear is to face it with a positive mental attitude. Fear begins to lose its control over you once you are willing and determined to confront it. Admit your fears to yourself, don't pretend they are not present. You can lessen the grip that a particular fear has on you by disclosing it to others. Bringing your fear out of the dark closet of your mind into the light where it can be seen by yourself and others is an act of courage, acceptance and trust in itself. By revealing your fear to others, you have to be careful not to allow yourself to be hurt by the inappropriate reaction and response of others.
Desensitize your fear by systematically practising relaxation while imagining progressively more frightening aspects of it. If it can be conquered in your imagination, half the battle is won. Imagine the worst-case scenario. Ask yourself how likely is it to happen? If it's not likely to happen there is no point in worrying about it. However if there is a good chance that it may happen, ask yourself what would you do in such eventuality. Once you have visualized what would be the very worst that could happen, you have already begun the process of changing your attitude and of thinking of alternatives and solutions. Start finding ways you might prevent your fear from coming true and improve the situation. Even the worst-case scenario is not as devastating as you might have originally thought. Face your fears and doubts squarely instead of running away from them. There is usually something you can do to confront and overcome even the most frightening circumstances. That is how confident people gain their courage and self-esteem. You cannot always run away from your fears, you must muster the necessary courage to face them some time. Acknowledging your fears and then doing whatever you were afraid of anyway is the giant step you need to take to eradicate them. Commit yourself to overcome your fears and become more than you are at the present time.
Facing your fear can be a long and difficult experience. Don't expect that your fear will disappear easily without a good fight. It needs a lot of effort, willpower, determination, preparation and courage but the payoff is worth the price. If something is troubling and worrying you, take some remedial action to change it. Begin by making a list of your fears and the doubts about your ability to deal with them. Rate each of them in order of severity, for example, 1 being minor fears, 2 being serious fears and 3 being extreme intense fears. Make it your goal to overcome them. Tell yourself that you can do it whenever doubt surfaces. Look for opportunities to confront what you fear. Clear your mind of your worries and doubts by thinking about something positive in the present. Learn the art of focusing your mind on the new pictures of the conditions and circumstances you want. Develop more trust and confidence in your ability to handle whatever comes your way by recalling the times when you did overcome adversities and felt good. Inspire your imagination by visualizing yourself overcoming your fears. A shift to an attitude of trusting and believing in yourself is essential.
You can start gradually or you can dive in the deep end, whatever you feel most comfortable doing. Some of your fears are less daunting than others. You may want to conquer small fears and build your confidence to overcome the greater ones. It may be wise to start with easily attainable goals so as to make success an odds-on favourite. The success and confidence that is gained by overcoming them will boost your self-esteem and morale. The more you stretch your comfort zone, the more confident you become. From my personal experience, the most effective way to turn fear into power is to tackle your biggest fear if you can. This latter option requires a lot more courage and willpower. However, once you succeed, the self-confidence you gain will open lots of other doors that were seemingly closed to you before that courageous event.
As you conquer one fear, you experience that other fears release their hold on you at the same time because they are interrelated. Taking the risk to face your fear in one area can give you the courage to do the same in other realms. You move yourself from a position of helplessness and paralysis to a position of power to choose and act. You become in charge of some aspects of your life which you thought you had no control over. Whichever choice is more appropriate for you, act on it recognizing the fact that there is a price to pay. Be willing to experience some uncomfortable moments and to let go of your ego. By taking the decision to face your fear, you can turn your fear into power. Once you have met fear in one area and overcome it, this exercise of willpower will tend to give you more courage and confidence in other aspects of your life.

Fear of public speaking

One of my biggest fears was public speaking. I was never encouraged at home or at school to speak out. On the contrary, I was laughed at since I did not have the self-confidence to read properly in the classroom. I would be singled out by some of my teachers and asked to stand up in front of the class and read. Of course, I would freeze. I remember feeling terrified and embarrassed by my lack of self-control and confidence during these ordeals.
In university I would hold back on asking questions and clarifications because of my fear of making a fool of myself in front of other people. I was eventually forced to speak in public. There were projects to present in front of my fellow students, lecturers and professors. I had to struggle through these few public speaking ordeals, as I did for my wedding speech! As I progressed in my professional career I realized that I would have to present reports and findings sooner or later. In 1983 while studying the performance of icebreakers in the Beaufort Sea, I faced my fear of public speaking squarely for the first time. I volunteered to present a technical paper on the maneuvering and turning performance of two icebreakers in different thicknesses of level ice of the Beaufort Sea in the Arctic. I knew my subject very well but I was terrified about the public speaking aspect. I practised my oral presentation by myself in my basement at least a dozen times. I presented my speech without the visual slides to my baby and to my wife another five to six times, timing myself and asking for feedback from my patient and understanding wife.
Finally the big day arrived. There were about sixty people in the audience, some very knowledgeable experts in this field. I stood in front of the audience and said to myself: you know your stuff, you have prepared yourself very well, now it is time to give your best shot. To my amazement, a few minutes into my presentation I felt in total control and I was enjoying the feeling. The presentation with the visual slides went very well. In addition, there were a lot of interesting questions asked to which I responded with enthusiasm based on my knowledge and first hand experience. At the end of the presentation, I got big applause and good feedback. A lot of my colleagues and people in the audience came up to me to give me a pat on the shoulder and to congratulate me. That day I overcame my terrifying fear of public speaking. Don't get me wrong, I do not claim to be a great public speaker. I still have some butterflies in my stomach whenever I have to stand up in front of an audience but I don't let the anxiety paralyze me anymore. The feeling of accomplishment, of courage and of power over my fear is a tremendous boost to my self-confidence and self-esteem. I have since joined the Toastmaster International Club in my area to improve my oral presentation skills.
Not that I'm an expert in effective public speaking, but here are some practical suggestions:

· Be prepared. Know what you wish to say.
· Keep your speech frank, short and to the point.
· Use appropriate choice of words.
· Make good use of gestures, smiles and facial expressions.
· Assume the posture of a master performer; corresponding inner feelings will follow.
· Convey enthusiasm, sincerity and confidence through your tone of voice.
· Figure out what it is you fear the most. Visualize it happening and see yourself dealing with it comfortably.
· Visualize your whole performance. Make your expectations more realistic and positive. Expect to meet it.
· Practise your speech. Rehearse it with all the feeling and conviction you command.
· Join the Toastmasters International club in your area.

Whatever your goals in life may be, your success depends on your ability to communicate. By joining a Toastmasters club, you embark on a program that will multiply your communication and leadership skills. I assure you it will be one of the best decisions you can make with respect to overcoming your fear of public speaking.

Extract from my book: Become your best.
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