Learning from my
depressions
Suffice to say that I had two
depressions in my life so far. Once when my father passed away, and I felt
guilty that I could not make it in time for his funeral. In addition my
business was in financial difficulty, and I was comparing myself with my most successful friends. The second one happened more recently when I suffered
a burn-out at work just before my retirement which escaladed into anxiety and
depression. In both cases, I needed professional counseling from a psychologist.
It took about nine months for me to recover from my first depression, and much
longer about two and a half years to recover from my second one.
So what did I learn
from my two depressions. First, I learn that depression can really hit anybody,
not only emotionally and mentally weak or dysfunctional people. It is not good
to be too hard on
myself. By writing my thoughts on paper, I could clearly see how hard I was to
myself. In the future, I would definitely not compare myself with other people
who seem to be much better off than me. This always lead to a lose-lose
situation, which may result in depression. There should be no guilt and shame
in struggling with anxiety and depression. Would you feel guilty and ashamed if
you had cancer? Surely not, so why would you harbor guilt and shame just
because you suffer from anxiety and depression?
It’s alright to ask for help from
your loved ones, friends and professional health specialists, like
psychologists or psychiatrists. I needed understanding, support, time and space
to heal when I was coping with my anxiety and depression. In our society where the "pretense of happiness" is more
important than expressing negative feelings in healthy ways, we are taught to
conceal those feelings. When you conceal any emotion that you judge to be negative, you
can end up feeling isolated, alone, and even invisible to others. Don’t pretend
to be alright when you are not. I was always authentic
with my loved ones, never hiding anything from them during both of my depressions.
When I had my first depression, the
cognitive therapy, outlined in the book FEELING GOOD by David D. Burns MD was
a great help to me. The cognitive therapy I used consisted mainly about writing
my thoughts down. I saw that they were all extremely negative and distorted.
For example, I would write that I was the worst son ever for not attending my
father’s funeral. Or that I was the most incompetent executive in the federal
government because I did not met my boss expectations. During my second depression,
the same cognitive therapy was less effective. I had to take some
anti-depressant pills. My gratitude journal was very helpful. I used it to
write all my blessings, small and big ones. Writing in my gratitude journal had
the effect of changing my mood for the better. I also found that physical
exercises, especially yoga were most helpful to my recovery.
Being surrounded by loved ones and
close friends was essential to my recovery. Feeling understood and loved
without judgment was very crucial for me to cope with my anxiety and
depression. The healing process can be a very slow and frustrating process.
There will inevitably be ups and downs.
The bottom line is that nobody but myself could get me out of my apathy
and depression. I had to accept the fact that there was no point in blaming
somebody else for my depressed state. Taking responsibility for my state of
mind and knowing that I needed to make the necessary effort to slowly get
better was the first step to my recovery.
Nobody else can do the hard work for
you to get better. If you really want to overcome your anxiety and depression,
you need to ask for help but, more importantly, you need to help yourself! The
link below is a great resource in explaining what depression is, and providing
some great advice. Please seek help if you need it.
As I came out very slowly from the
dark thick cloud of anxiety and depression, I became more fully available to my
loved ones, friends and my circle of influence. Slowly but surely, I
reconnected with everything and everybody close to me with deeper
understanding, empathy, humility and compassion. I thank God for the hope that
he left in me all along, even in my deepest sadness, doubt and yes, sometimes,
despair. I always learned from my experiences and grew stronger to become my
best in order to serve others better.
Excerpt from my
updated book: Become your best, to be published in February 2014.
www.kintue-fee.com
No comments:
Post a Comment