Build self-confidence and confidence in others

BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE AND CONFIDENCE IN OTHERS

We all have confidence. It is just a question of cultivating and nurturing it. If you grow up in a home where praise, encouragement and caring are the rule, then you are more likely to have confidence in yourself. Confidence is a measure of a person's self-assuredness. It springs from knowledge, ability, skills, discipline, tenacity and perseverance. It does not mean boasting or bragging or being arrogant. Self-confidence is the calm conviction that you can achieve whatever you set out to do. It does not mean that you need to know everything and be capable of doing it all by yourself. You develop confidence by setting a goal and achieving it, and by making a promise and keeping it, one at a time. You build self-confidence by having the ability to set and achieve meaningful goals, by fulfilling your needs, by keeping your promises, by acting with integrity and courage.
Like most people, you may have some self-doubts about your capabilities and potential. In the past, you made mistakes, had failure and rejection, and did not live up to your expectations. Don't let these shortcomings erode your confidence. You can rebuild your self-confidence by putting power in your commitment and focusing your mental energy on your immediate goal. If you don't have confidence in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to have confidence in you. If you lose confidence in yourself eventually others lose their confidence in you too. You hold certain values, beliefs and principles to which you are committed. As a result, you have an inner purpose around which you make your decisions. You need to become a person with integrity and conviction who can make courageous decisions to change your life for the better. Confidence in yourself gives you the strength to make good ethical decisions despite pressure to act otherwise. It is very easy to give up but it takes courage and strength to be caring and yet firm, and to do what you know you ought to do. As you look toward the decisions you would like to make to change your life, have the confidence and the courage to act on them.
There are two powerful concepts: Faith and Fear. If you have faith in yourself, in your abilities and in your future then you also have self-confidence and courage. If you allow fear to creep in your life, the fear you cannot do something can wipe out your faith and self-confidence. The reason so many people are not confident in themselves is that it hurts to keep on trying when their efforts always seem to fail. The fear of failure sets in. Acknowledge and accept your fears rather than ignore or deny them. To build self-confidence, you need to be willing to push through the discomforting barriers and to act despite your feelings. It is through the experience of overcoming your fears that you will make the most strides in enhancing your self-confidence.
The act of striving and persevering in face of obstacles provides a sense of satisfaction and pride that promotes confidence. It takes strength and endurance to keep on trying and doing what you know you ought to do when the going is rough. It's much easier to give up and quit. During your period of weakness, self-defeating behaviours and negative self-talk can come back to haunt you. Don't replay the memories of past failures, disappointments and mistakes, it robs you of your self-confidence. Recognize that we all experienced failures at one time or another, even the most successful people. You can expect problems, setbacks and changes in circumstances, but you don't have to agonize over them and live in fear of them. When changes happen, look for what else is possible and choose the most viable alternatives. View the obstacles as opportunities from which to learn and grow rather than events to be feared. Have faith in yourself. It frees your mind from the self imposed limitations of doubt, fear and discouragement. Faith provides you with the courage, inspiration and self-reliance you need to live life purposefully. Give yourself permission to take reasonable risks and accept responsibility for mistakes. Start taking small calculated risks and venturing occasionally into the unknown. Be alert and prepared for head-on encounters. It's by striving to overcome obstacles as they arise that you build your self-confidence. Fear or faith, failure or success, you have to choose which path you want to follow. Never allow fear to rule your life, always have faith in yourself. Acting with confidence can break vicious cycles of fear. This can be a hard inner struggle but persevere and you will come out a winner.
Be humble in the presence of superior knowledge and intellect, be willing to learn by asking questions. Look for and associate with positive and confident people. It is very empowering to have the support and energy of understanding and motivated friends. You can have a positive influence in each others' process of growing and confidence building. Keep visualizing your best moments, the times when you conquered fear, were totally confident, and felt successful. No matter how few these good moments were, don't let them die. By remembering these moments of triumph you slowly build your own self-confidence. Trust the worth you have placed upon yourself. The confidence other people have in you reinforces your confidence in yourself. Confidence breeds more confidence. You then have the courage to take more challenges and make major decisions in your life. You can start to stretch your capabilities and your comfort zone. When you take charge of your life through choices and decisions, you receive powerful boosts to your self-esteem and self-confidence. Making a decision and implementing it builds confidence.
Try to express your courage and confidence not because you have no fear, but in spite of your fear. Even when you don't really feel confident, act as if you have confidence. When you act despite uncertainty and lack of confidence, you reinforce risk-taking and perseverance. Have the courage to decide what you want to do about your life. Have the ability to overcome the obstacles facing you and move ahead to something better. Be assertive when interacting with other people. Don't say anything that would be contrary to your true intentions. You don’tt need to be aggressive to assert yourself. It has been shown that assertive behaviour is very effective when accompanied by a smile.
A lively and positive faith is extremely important for a happy and serene existence. Faith is belief that help is forthcoming when it is needed. It is belief in guidance in time of perplexity and in courage when pain and suffering strike. Have the attitude and conviction that for everything lost there is something to be gained. Confident people are strong enough to admit their mistakes and to be honest. By your courage, openness and honesty, you will experience rewarding relationships, personal growth and happiness as well as some pains. By building your confidence you become less afraid of fear, of emotional pain, of taking risks and of making mistakes. As you find the courage to be honest and to open yourself to others you start to respect yourself and others as fellow human beings. Your life unfolds and develops based on the confidence you place in yourself and in all that you do. You become aware that you are your only security.
A few years ago, I received a telephone call from my tenant, Jacques Begin that gave me some bad news. He informed me that my rental property was burning and that the firemen were trying to save it. My first reaction was to ask him if everyone was safe and sound. He told me that his wife and him were allright although all their belongings were gone, burnt or water damaged. I told him that I would come over right away. When I arrived on the spot, the fire was under control. There was not much of the house left standing. I learned that the neighbour’s house which was under construction caught fire first. The wind blew the flame over, and my rental property’s roof caught fire. I asked Jacques whether he and his wife needed temporary hotel accommodation. He told me that a lot of his friends had already offered to accommodate them in the short term. I inquired whether his belongings were insured and they were. Luckily, my rental property was insured too.
Jacques Begin was very graceful in adversity, and I was very grateful for that. When it came time to rebuild the house, my wife and I were considering asking Jacques to be the general contractor. I knew that he was a fine carpenter, and had assisted in building many houses before. He had previously done numerous repair jobs for us. He had been a good tenant, and we wanted to reward him. Besides, he and his wife were very eager to come back to their home. Although we knew the risk of using an inexperienced general contractor, we trusted Jacques as a person and a professional carpenter. When we finally asked him, if he would consider rebuilding the house for us, he was surprised with the offer. He told us that he honestly did not know whether he could as he had never been a general contractor before who had the responsibility for building a whole house. I told him that my wife and I had confidence that he would do a good job for us, otherwise we would not have entrusted the construction of our new house to him.
Seeing that my wife and I had confidence in his capacity to build our new house, he finally accepted. To make a long story short, he did an amazing job for us. The construction took about three and a half months. In the meantime, he and his wife had found another rental property. The end results were win-win for both parties. More importantly, his first job as a general contractor gave him the confidence to launch himself in the house construction business. Today, he is very successful. Today he always remembers that my wife and I had faith, trust and confidence in him when he was not sure himself. And he is very grateful for that.

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