MANAGE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME
Time is relative. What is our time and existence on planet Earth in comparison to the history of the universe? A week of honeymoon seems barely like a few hours while one hour in the dentist's chair feels like an eternity. Time once passed cannot be reversed nor can it be replaced, it is gone forever. Time is not an expandable commodity. Everybody has the same amount of time in a day or in a year. To waste your time is really wasting part of your life. There are so many useful and wonderful things you can do with your life. However, there is only a limited amount of time so that you simply cannot do everything or help everybody. You have to choose how you are going to spend your precious time. Do not waste your time spending it with people you don't like or doing things you dislike in order to be liked by others. Instead use it effectively to achieve your goals and to fill your purpose in life. Time budgeting always pays dividends because you can choose to use it to make progress toward your goals and purpose in life. It is your responsibility to decide how to make the best use of your time.
Time management techniques are tools to help you achieve more control over your life and function more efficiently. You can't really make time, find time or get time. What you can do is manage your precious time. Effective time management requires that you know your purpose in life, your needs and your goals very clearly. It also requires that you devote some time to further your plan. By properly defining your needs and goals, you can save a lot of valuable time. In your daily activities, you have to balance your family responsibilities, your work, your social interaction and your personal discretionary time. Don't let your business activities control and take over your personal time with your family. Remember jobs, goals and problems come and go, but the most important people in your life are with you for a lifetime. Treat your personal and family time as a top priority. Ensure your family spends dinner time together to share food, and experience good spirit and humour.
Organize and execute the tasks around priorities. Decide what is really important to you. Tasks must be planned and a list of things to do must be made to achieve your set objectives. You have to identify which of these tasks are urgent and vital. You make specific plans to accomplish them first. Usually crises require your immediate attention. You have to make sure you are not beaten up by problems and emergencies all day everyday. Otherwise you will be always stressed out and forever responding to crises.
The most effective way of managing your time is to spend a great deal of time doing things and tasks that are not urgent, but are very important. This is the essence of effective self-management and of being proactive. It involves things like building relationships, long-range planning, regular exercising, preventive maintenance and reflecting on your primary purpose in life. In this mode you are proactive, opportunity-minded, effective and you are dealing with the tasks of greatest worth to you. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because they are not urgent that you can postpone them for a later date. Avoid the pitfall of saying to yourself that you can always do something tomorrow. It is easy to procrastinate and lose your interest and focus on what needs to be done. Instead, ask yourself what is the one thing that you could do that would make a tremendous positive difference in your personal or professional life. Decide to do it now, on a regular basis and watch how your effectiveness improves. Once you can see positive results, engage yourself in these types of activities for a longer percentage of your time.
Avoid interruptions, they can make you waste a lot of time. If you have to drive somewhere in a hurry you choose the shortest route with the fewest traffic lights and stop signs at intersections. Allowing interruption to interfere with your work and your planned activities usually decreases your productivity and efficiency, and reduces your ability to focus. During a normal day you encounter three types of interruptions that can waste your time: your environment, other people and yourself. One of the most frequent interruptions is yourself. Have you ever noticed that you sometimes leave something you started to do something else? Or you are working on a project, then your mind wanders to something else. Each time you do that, you tend to make a mental note for yourself to remember. This type of interruption inevitably takes away part of your time, focus and energy. Write down what you have to do and stick to the tasks at hand.
The second type of interruption is environmental. Traffic jams, queuing for anything and broken equipment are examples of environmental interruptions which waste a lot of your time. Take another route, alter your schedule and fix what is broken in order to avoid and control potential interruption as much as possible. The third interruption is other people who just want to chat with you or tell you their problems. They can approach you in person or by telephone. They are usually the most difficult to control and can be your biggest time-wasters. If you are doing an important thing, avoid casual interruptions from others by telling them tactfully that you are busy. Learn to say no when they ask if you have a minute. If you usually receive lots of telephone calls, it's essential to have an answering machine to screen the incoming calls. Return all important and urgent telephone calls as soon as possible. Set aside a period of time, keeping it as short as possible, to return all other calls at the same time. By planning your day and eliminating your main interruptions, you can accomplish a great deal more in less time.
Take charge by tracking how you spend your time. Tracking time can be made easier with a daily schedule like your personal time log. You can now look ahead with your goals in mind and schedule time to achieve them. Write down the main activities that occupy each hour or half-hour in your log. To be more effective, make quick and simple daily, weekly and monthly schedules. It would defeat the purpose if you take an inordinate amount of time to prepare these schedules. Set realistic time frames and be flexible within reason. Schedules and plans are useful tools but don't be chained to them. You want the freedom and flexibility to respond to unanticipated events, relationships and experiences in a meaningful way. Record what you plan to do and what you actually did with your time. Keep careful record of your time for a week. This will provide accurate information about how you are currently spending your time. Analyze your entries and check whether you are spending your time wisely. If necessary make adjustment so as to be able to reach your goals and live purposefully. Remember that the realization of your goals can easily suffer from being awarded insufficient time.
Death reminds us of the value of time. We all know we won't be on this earth forever. It's only when we face the fact that each of us has a limited time on earth that we will begin to live each day to the fullest. Time is one of our most valuable commodities and it is also one of our most precious gifts. The concept of time management does not mean you can't give your time to others, by volunteering to contribute in something worthwhile, by listening to a friend's problem and by helping others. Remember to respect other people's time too by being diligently on time when you are expected. Managing your time effectively in this fashion helps your personal development in a nurturing manner. The use of your time reflects the degree to which you have made the principles of personal management and development a part of your life.
Extracts from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Incorporate good habits in your daily activities
INCORPORATE GOOD HABITS IN YOUR DAILY ACTIVITIES
All of us are creatures of habit. We all have good and bad habits. The challenge is to change bad habits into good ones. Habits are a combination of internalized principles, ways of thinking and doing, and lifestyle behaviours. Healthy habits can be learned by anyone who is willing to put in the necessary effort. You too can cultivate good habits that can enhance your life enormously if you have the discipline to pay attention to what you think and do. At first the implementation of any new habit is difficult and awkward, and demands a lot of effort. After some persistent repetition, you will find it easier and eventually the habit becomes almost effortless to put into practice. Habits become a part of your nature by willpower, practice and repetition. Cultivate good habits to the point that they become second nature. People with a wide range of winning habits are likely to have more effective responses in their repertoire. Successful people understand the importance of good habits and religiously practise them in their daily process of living. You must remain alert to the effects of your habits to ensure that they are still serving a useful purpose. Be ready and willing to change your old bad habits and embrace new winning ones which will serve you better. Try substitution. For example, instead of a chocolate bar, have an apple for a snack. Be committed and force yourself to hold tight to the new habits for at least 21 consecutive days. Let the good habits be the little extras you choose to do. Think how much difference the incorporation of a repertoire of winning habits can make to your life, say five years from now. Let your imagination and visualization motivate you to put them into practice right now.
Much of our behaviours and habits are so well developed that they become automatic responses. It is important that we choose and develop good habits when we are young rather than to change bad habits when we are older because breaking bad habits is very difficult. Just look at the millions of people who know that smoking is bad for their health. They know that every cigarette they smoke can potentially reduce their life expectancy by approximately fourteen minutes. They are desperate to give it up but find it almost impossible to break the addiction. Many people also have temporary bad habits which are perpetuated by fuss, punishment and encouragement which may pass away of themselves if left unnoticed. To change entrenched bad habits, one has to put a lot of effort into spotting the triggering process, stopping the automatic response, and substituting more appropriate behaviour. People with bad habits due to serious addiction such as drug abuse, smoking and drinking problems, need to seek help right away.
Make your habits serve you, not the other way around. Ask yourself whether any habit is contributing to your well-being or not. If you change your habit, what will be your positive benefit? So long as you are hanging on to habits that are not enhancing your life, you are limiting your potential. It is within your power to cultivate the habit of reminding yourself that you can make wiser choices. Make it a daily habit to read materials which expand your mind. A good habit worth stressing is to laugh at yourself and with yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously. Laughing at yourself is a good way of acknowledging your imperfections and humanness. Get in the habit of surrounding yourself with positive minded, effective and wise people. All the principles and advice in this book will be much more useful to you if you practise them. You can have a fulfilled life by simply incorporating good habits into your daily activities.
Here are some of the good habits, in no particular order, that you can acquire to enhance your life. Most of them are developed in greater detail in this book. They were the one-line ideas and guidelines from which I started to write this book. I hope they are as useful to you. May these good habits empower you to really live your life to its fullest!
* Know your priorities
* Establish realistic goals and expectations
* Align your goals with your values
* Commit yourself with dedication
* Eat nutritious food
* Don't smoke or stop smoking
* Drink alcoholic beverages in moderation
* Exercise on a regular basis
* Smile and feel happy
* Greet people with a smile, handshake, kiss or a hug
* Develop and maintain a positive mental attitude
* Start and end your day with positive thoughts or thanksgiving prayers
* Do things you enjoy
* Be generous with compliments
* Enjoy the little things in life
* Cultivate humour and laugh at yourself
* Become a master of the fine art of listening
* Communicate using all your senses
* Practise to become a good public speaker
* Learn to negotiate through listening and communicating
* Be open and honest in your communication
* Be proactive and do important things first
* Be ready and willing to learn
* Learn a new word everyday
* Develop a sense of well-being and contentment
* Find your own balance
* Know your strengths and limitations
* Remind yourself to be positive and enthusiastic
* Adopt the qualities of healthy families
* Take delight in whom you love
* Cultivate teamwork and cooperation
* Learn to cope with adversity and failure
* Avoid frustrations and bursts of anger
* Learn to relax and enjoy the moment
* Treat yourself and your loved ones
* Nurture the love and affection for your family
* Count your blessings and be grateful for them
* Realize that your happiness lies within you
* Be honest and responsible
* Take control of your precious time
* Arrive on time for your appointments
* Honour your commitments and agreements
* Retain a long term perspective
* Let your actions speak for you
* Develop a good character
* Enhance your self-esteem
* Become your best friend
* Keep a personal journal
* Write down your thoughts, fear, and aspirations
* Use your instinct to your advantage
* Live within your means
* Manage your money
* Pay yourself first
* Learn to invest wisely
* Pay off your debts and mortgage early
* Beat the cost of living and save income tax
* Eliminate financial stress and worry
* Have a financial plan
* Be selective in your reading
* Read only the positive and important materials
* Visualize yourself as you want to become
* Plan and reassess your goals and objectives
* Commit to improve yourself with dedication
* Have the will to prepare
* Read inspirational books
* Use the public libraries
* Associate yourself with positive and wise people
* Develop a network of friends, business associates and mentors
* Profit from other people's experience and expertise
* Express your gratitude for any help you receive
* Seek models of successful people to follow in their footsteps
* Look at things and problems from different perspectives
* Think like a winner
* Use and challenge your brain
* Examine every idea you encounter before you adopt or discard it
* Develop your memory
* Feed your mind with positive thoughts and empowering beliefs
* Flex your paradigm
* Share your prosperity and knowledge
* Help people become successful
* Reach out to help somebody in need
* Search for the seed of good in every adversity
* Let your love flow
* See the good in everyone
* Share your many blessings with others
* Trust your intuition
* Treat every day as a special gift from God
* Become a peacemaker
* Do and give your best at all times
* Put all the good habits into practice
* Become your best
You are where you are and what you are today because of your choices and your established habits. You can change for the better by simply choosing to incorporate more good habits in your daily life.
Excerpt from my book: Become your Best
www.kintue-fee.com
All of us are creatures of habit. We all have good and bad habits. The challenge is to change bad habits into good ones. Habits are a combination of internalized principles, ways of thinking and doing, and lifestyle behaviours. Healthy habits can be learned by anyone who is willing to put in the necessary effort. You too can cultivate good habits that can enhance your life enormously if you have the discipline to pay attention to what you think and do. At first the implementation of any new habit is difficult and awkward, and demands a lot of effort. After some persistent repetition, you will find it easier and eventually the habit becomes almost effortless to put into practice. Habits become a part of your nature by willpower, practice and repetition. Cultivate good habits to the point that they become second nature. People with a wide range of winning habits are likely to have more effective responses in their repertoire. Successful people understand the importance of good habits and religiously practise them in their daily process of living. You must remain alert to the effects of your habits to ensure that they are still serving a useful purpose. Be ready and willing to change your old bad habits and embrace new winning ones which will serve you better. Try substitution. For example, instead of a chocolate bar, have an apple for a snack. Be committed and force yourself to hold tight to the new habits for at least 21 consecutive days. Let the good habits be the little extras you choose to do. Think how much difference the incorporation of a repertoire of winning habits can make to your life, say five years from now. Let your imagination and visualization motivate you to put them into practice right now.
Much of our behaviours and habits are so well developed that they become automatic responses. It is important that we choose and develop good habits when we are young rather than to change bad habits when we are older because breaking bad habits is very difficult. Just look at the millions of people who know that smoking is bad for their health. They know that every cigarette they smoke can potentially reduce their life expectancy by approximately fourteen minutes. They are desperate to give it up but find it almost impossible to break the addiction. Many people also have temporary bad habits which are perpetuated by fuss, punishment and encouragement which may pass away of themselves if left unnoticed. To change entrenched bad habits, one has to put a lot of effort into spotting the triggering process, stopping the automatic response, and substituting more appropriate behaviour. People with bad habits due to serious addiction such as drug abuse, smoking and drinking problems, need to seek help right away.
Make your habits serve you, not the other way around. Ask yourself whether any habit is contributing to your well-being or not. If you change your habit, what will be your positive benefit? So long as you are hanging on to habits that are not enhancing your life, you are limiting your potential. It is within your power to cultivate the habit of reminding yourself that you can make wiser choices. Make it a daily habit to read materials which expand your mind. A good habit worth stressing is to laugh at yourself and with yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously. Laughing at yourself is a good way of acknowledging your imperfections and humanness. Get in the habit of surrounding yourself with positive minded, effective and wise people. All the principles and advice in this book will be much more useful to you if you practise them. You can have a fulfilled life by simply incorporating good habits into your daily activities.
Here are some of the good habits, in no particular order, that you can acquire to enhance your life. Most of them are developed in greater detail in this book. They were the one-line ideas and guidelines from which I started to write this book. I hope they are as useful to you. May these good habits empower you to really live your life to its fullest!
* Know your priorities
* Establish realistic goals and expectations
* Align your goals with your values
* Commit yourself with dedication
* Eat nutritious food
* Don't smoke or stop smoking
* Drink alcoholic beverages in moderation
* Exercise on a regular basis
* Smile and feel happy
* Greet people with a smile, handshake, kiss or a hug
* Develop and maintain a positive mental attitude
* Start and end your day with positive thoughts or thanksgiving prayers
* Do things you enjoy
* Be generous with compliments
* Enjoy the little things in life
* Cultivate humour and laugh at yourself
* Become a master of the fine art of listening
* Communicate using all your senses
* Practise to become a good public speaker
* Learn to negotiate through listening and communicating
* Be open and honest in your communication
* Be proactive and do important things first
* Be ready and willing to learn
* Learn a new word everyday
* Develop a sense of well-being and contentment
* Find your own balance
* Know your strengths and limitations
* Remind yourself to be positive and enthusiastic
* Adopt the qualities of healthy families
* Take delight in whom you love
* Cultivate teamwork and cooperation
* Learn to cope with adversity and failure
* Avoid frustrations and bursts of anger
* Learn to relax and enjoy the moment
* Treat yourself and your loved ones
* Nurture the love and affection for your family
* Count your blessings and be grateful for them
* Realize that your happiness lies within you
* Be honest and responsible
* Take control of your precious time
* Arrive on time for your appointments
* Honour your commitments and agreements
* Retain a long term perspective
* Let your actions speak for you
* Develop a good character
* Enhance your self-esteem
* Become your best friend
* Keep a personal journal
* Write down your thoughts, fear, and aspirations
* Use your instinct to your advantage
* Live within your means
* Manage your money
* Pay yourself first
* Learn to invest wisely
* Pay off your debts and mortgage early
* Beat the cost of living and save income tax
* Eliminate financial stress and worry
* Have a financial plan
* Be selective in your reading
* Read only the positive and important materials
* Visualize yourself as you want to become
* Plan and reassess your goals and objectives
* Commit to improve yourself with dedication
* Have the will to prepare
* Read inspirational books
* Use the public libraries
* Associate yourself with positive and wise people
* Develop a network of friends, business associates and mentors
* Profit from other people's experience and expertise
* Express your gratitude for any help you receive
* Seek models of successful people to follow in their footsteps
* Look at things and problems from different perspectives
* Think like a winner
* Use and challenge your brain
* Examine every idea you encounter before you adopt or discard it
* Develop your memory
* Feed your mind with positive thoughts and empowering beliefs
* Flex your paradigm
* Share your prosperity and knowledge
* Help people become successful
* Reach out to help somebody in need
* Search for the seed of good in every adversity
* Let your love flow
* See the good in everyone
* Share your many blessings with others
* Trust your intuition
* Treat every day as a special gift from God
* Become a peacemaker
* Do and give your best at all times
* Put all the good habits into practice
* Become your best
You are where you are and what you are today because of your choices and your established habits. You can change for the better by simply choosing to incorporate more good habits in your daily life.
Excerpt from my book: Become your Best
www.kintue-fee.com
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Inspire and Motivate Yourself
INSPIRE AND MOTIVATE YOURSELF
Through daily affirmations, visualizations, and inspirations you can motivate yourself to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Self-inspiration and motivation take a lot of practice but they are skills that can be learned. They give you the discipline and resilience to try harder when everybody else is about to quit. They strengthen your resolve to improve yourself in areas of your choice and reward you with self-esteem and confidence among other things.
It's hard to feel motivated to do anything if you can't see any reward for your effort. Visualize the rewards of becoming more self-confident: the power of believing in yourself, the feeling of accomplishment, the healthy self-esteem you'll have, the respect others will have for you, the rewarding relationships you'll enjoy, the opportunity you'll attract, and so on. Imagine yourself at a business meeting, feeling certain to be able to respond to the demands of the moment in the most effective way you know. Tell yourself you are confident in your ability to deal with new situations as they arise. Feel the sense of confidence in being able to scan any situation, think on your feet and deal with the issue in whatever way you determine is best for your own needs and purposes. You can be inspired and motivated to put in the extra effort today by focusing on the future rewards.
Look at everyday as an opportunity to explore your world for the sake of learning something new and meaningful. Get to know your wants and needs very well. Use your personal mission statement to inspire and motivate you to go ahead with your goals and purpose in life. Look at all the goals you have already achieved so far in your life for inspiration and motivation. When you find an inspirational quote that means something to you, remember to write it down and use it to motivate you. Keep a notebook handy to record the things you hear and read that inspire and motivate you. Meaningful quotes can change as you get on with your life. The best affirmations are the ones you compose for yourself. Write your own affirmations and inspirational phrases based on your current philosophy, beliefs and values. Make a positive statement on something that is beginning to happen in your life. Try to incorporate the eight most inspirational and motivational words used by lots of successful people: I am, I can, I will, I believe.
I am a worthy person who is contributing to society,
I can develop loving relationships,
I will always help others in anyway I can,
I believe in the teachings of ........ e.g. spiritual leaders.
Make your own meaningful slogans and motivational quotations. Repeat the phrases over and over for a long period of time with enthusiasm until they, together with your philosophy and values, eventually become part of your belief system. Through this conscious programming you can give yourself inspirational and motivational messages automatically. Through repetition of these thoughts in your mind and by taking action in alignment with them, you can make behavioural changes in yourself. These changes can be as subtle as becoming more comfortable with yourself, improving your relationships or developing a more positive attitude toward life. The possibilities are limitless. Try to keep the phrases short, simple and meaningful. Select one or two messages to start with, depending on what is most important to you at the moment, and make it part of you. It is very effective to repeat the inspirational and motivational messages just before you go to sleep. Repetition is important, do it every day to develop the habit and make it part of your life. Remember that repetitive conscious programming without actively practising what you believe in is not going to be very effective. You have to be participating actively in creating an environment, relationship or behavioural changes which reflect your inspirational and motivational messages.
Read inspirational books and get motivated to better yourself. Look for role models, mentors and positive people that can reinforce your motivation for self-actualization. Join fitness clubs, public speaking groups, discussion groups on spirituality and any other association that can motivate you to develop yourself further. When you feel down, try to recapture the times when you were creative, appreciated, and rewarded for your effort. Think about those times in which you have felt most fully human and alive: being kind and helpful with no thought of return, overcoming your fear, and being filled with pride for something you did. Excite your imagination and inspire your creative vision with your enthusiasm. Use your positive attitude and self-esteem as a driving force for inspiring and motivating yourself. Keep telling yourself and, more importantly, believing that you are a worthy person who has a lot to contribute during your lifetime. Remind yourself that you are responsible for your well-being and you have the resources to do it.
Keep a personal journal to record your thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. Commit your objectives to paper, write your goals in it. Make sure you record the goals you have achieved in it too. List your values, skills, strengths and interests in it. In your journal, write about your ideal life. Keeping a journal is an invaluable tool for recording your personal growth and development. Occasionally, read over what you have written for it can inspire and motivate you when you realize how much you have progressed along the way.
Excerpt from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Through daily affirmations, visualizations, and inspirations you can motivate yourself to grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Self-inspiration and motivation take a lot of practice but they are skills that can be learned. They give you the discipline and resilience to try harder when everybody else is about to quit. They strengthen your resolve to improve yourself in areas of your choice and reward you with self-esteem and confidence among other things.
It's hard to feel motivated to do anything if you can't see any reward for your effort. Visualize the rewards of becoming more self-confident: the power of believing in yourself, the feeling of accomplishment, the healthy self-esteem you'll have, the respect others will have for you, the rewarding relationships you'll enjoy, the opportunity you'll attract, and so on. Imagine yourself at a business meeting, feeling certain to be able to respond to the demands of the moment in the most effective way you know. Tell yourself you are confident in your ability to deal with new situations as they arise. Feel the sense of confidence in being able to scan any situation, think on your feet and deal with the issue in whatever way you determine is best for your own needs and purposes. You can be inspired and motivated to put in the extra effort today by focusing on the future rewards.
Look at everyday as an opportunity to explore your world for the sake of learning something new and meaningful. Get to know your wants and needs very well. Use your personal mission statement to inspire and motivate you to go ahead with your goals and purpose in life. Look at all the goals you have already achieved so far in your life for inspiration and motivation. When you find an inspirational quote that means something to you, remember to write it down and use it to motivate you. Keep a notebook handy to record the things you hear and read that inspire and motivate you. Meaningful quotes can change as you get on with your life. The best affirmations are the ones you compose for yourself. Write your own affirmations and inspirational phrases based on your current philosophy, beliefs and values. Make a positive statement on something that is beginning to happen in your life. Try to incorporate the eight most inspirational and motivational words used by lots of successful people: I am, I can, I will, I believe.
I am a worthy person who is contributing to society,
I can develop loving relationships,
I will always help others in anyway I can,
I believe in the teachings of ........ e.g. spiritual leaders.
Make your own meaningful slogans and motivational quotations. Repeat the phrases over and over for a long period of time with enthusiasm until they, together with your philosophy and values, eventually become part of your belief system. Through this conscious programming you can give yourself inspirational and motivational messages automatically. Through repetition of these thoughts in your mind and by taking action in alignment with them, you can make behavioural changes in yourself. These changes can be as subtle as becoming more comfortable with yourself, improving your relationships or developing a more positive attitude toward life. The possibilities are limitless. Try to keep the phrases short, simple and meaningful. Select one or two messages to start with, depending on what is most important to you at the moment, and make it part of you. It is very effective to repeat the inspirational and motivational messages just before you go to sleep. Repetition is important, do it every day to develop the habit and make it part of your life. Remember that repetitive conscious programming without actively practising what you believe in is not going to be very effective. You have to be participating actively in creating an environment, relationship or behavioural changes which reflect your inspirational and motivational messages.
Read inspirational books and get motivated to better yourself. Look for role models, mentors and positive people that can reinforce your motivation for self-actualization. Join fitness clubs, public speaking groups, discussion groups on spirituality and any other association that can motivate you to develop yourself further. When you feel down, try to recapture the times when you were creative, appreciated, and rewarded for your effort. Think about those times in which you have felt most fully human and alive: being kind and helpful with no thought of return, overcoming your fear, and being filled with pride for something you did. Excite your imagination and inspire your creative vision with your enthusiasm. Use your positive attitude and self-esteem as a driving force for inspiring and motivating yourself. Keep telling yourself and, more importantly, believing that you are a worthy person who has a lot to contribute during your lifetime. Remind yourself that you are responsible for your well-being and you have the resources to do it.
Keep a personal journal to record your thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. Commit your objectives to paper, write your goals in it. Make sure you record the goals you have achieved in it too. List your values, skills, strengths and interests in it. In your journal, write about your ideal life. Keeping a journal is an invaluable tool for recording your personal growth and development. Occasionally, read over what you have written for it can inspire and motivate you when you realize how much you have progressed along the way.
Excerpt from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Friday, November 6, 2009
Set your goals
SET YOUR GOALS
Setting goals is the foundation of all success in life. Goals are very important because they give you a sense of direction, progress and achievement in life. Meaningful goals can be basically anything that you intend to accomplish that will enhance your life and will benefit others too. Effective goal setting comes from having a clear conception of what you want to accomplish and what you want to become. Make sure your goals reflect your priorities, values, principles and beliefs. You don't want to wake up one day and realize that you've wasted your time and energy to achieve goals that were not in harmony with who you really are. Your goals should be intended for good things to happen in your life and the lives of others. Opportunities do not come knocking at your door, you must create your own goals. Government, institutions, parents and partners can support and encourage you but they cannot give you exactly what you want in life. Only you know your dreams and goals, and only you can make it happen. Be as clear and specific as you can. Unless you have a detailed idea of your goal, it is difficult if not impossible to achieve it. Each person who has achieved lasting success had goals and devoted his or her time and energy to plan and implement them.
It's not enough to set goals in your mind, write your goals on a piece of paper. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because you know your goals mentally, it's a waste of time putting them on paper. I learned my lessons the hard way. I did not believe it would make any difference whether my goals were written down or not. I was proven wrong. Like most people, I used to think of some goals I would like to achieve. Without writing them down, I was limited in the number of goals I could mentally remember. After a period of time, I would reach a few of my goals and I would forget about a few others that were still important to me. It's only when I started to record them on paper first and later in my computer that I was reminded of all my goals whenever I needed a reminder.
Recording my goals on my computer helped me to make wise choices and to set priorities. The process gave me an opportunity to reassess the goals and ask myself whether they were based on valid principles. I started to make a lot more progress once they were on paper. One goal after another was achieved and I got a lot more feedback. I could refer back to all the goals that I had already achieved which previously without any record I could not do. As a result I became more focused and motivated. Guess what? My self-confidence and self-esteem got a big boost. I was riding the "virtuous circle" since confidence breeds confidence. As my goals were reached, I set new and higher goals. Now one of my most important goals is to write and talk about the principles of personal management and development which I believe are essential life skills.
Building up your self-image and your self-esteem has to be one of the most worthwhile goals you can have. Together with a positive mental attitude, it is a prerequisite to your self-management and self-development. You need to focus on measurable, manageable and meaningful goals. It is better to set your goals slightly higher than what may seem realistic. For one thing, easy goals are not challenging and are usually of no great benefit to you. By aiming big, you have to be more committed and more creative. At the same time, be reasonable and set goals that are fitting to your degree of expertise. Don't set your goals so high that they overwhelm you and keep you from starting in the first place.
Remember that goals based on greed more than anything else have destroyed many ambitious people. Appropriate expectations prevent grievous disappointments and frustrations. In any case, reality will take care of itself and will dictate adjustments accordingly. As long as you remain flexible in your approach, there is no point in limiting yourself unnecessarily right from the start. Little changes along the way do not mean that you have to abandon your goal. Successful people who accomplish major goals remain open to new information and change, and are persistent in their commitment and resourceful in the face of problems and challenges.
You can have a number of goals related to all aspects of your life, for example: family and social life, financial security, spiritual growth, physical health, relationship, education and career. Don’t just have material and financial goals. Have a variety of goals in all aspects of your life.
While it is essential to have some plans and goals, try not to impose too much order and rigidity in your life. It is also important to maintain flexibility and to remember that life is not just a series of predictable achievements. If your goals are set with the intent to make good things happen in your life and in the lives of others including your family, you can expect some positive results. Set goals that resonate with what your heart desires based on humane values.
It is very rare that one accomplishes all one's goals all the time. You may not achieve all your goals completely as you would wish but you can expect to accomplish most of them provided you commit yourself and have the discipline to work at them. Once you have mastered the habit of establishing goals in alignment with your core values and beliefs, you begin to experience a sense of accomplishment. Believe in yourself and have faith in your abilities. By setting your goals and taking action, you will start to feel an increase in confidence and in your ability to overcome unforeseen obstacles along the way.
Extract from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Setting goals is the foundation of all success in life. Goals are very important because they give you a sense of direction, progress and achievement in life. Meaningful goals can be basically anything that you intend to accomplish that will enhance your life and will benefit others too. Effective goal setting comes from having a clear conception of what you want to accomplish and what you want to become. Make sure your goals reflect your priorities, values, principles and beliefs. You don't want to wake up one day and realize that you've wasted your time and energy to achieve goals that were not in harmony with who you really are. Your goals should be intended for good things to happen in your life and the lives of others. Opportunities do not come knocking at your door, you must create your own goals. Government, institutions, parents and partners can support and encourage you but they cannot give you exactly what you want in life. Only you know your dreams and goals, and only you can make it happen. Be as clear and specific as you can. Unless you have a detailed idea of your goal, it is difficult if not impossible to achieve it. Each person who has achieved lasting success had goals and devoted his or her time and energy to plan and implement them.
It's not enough to set goals in your mind, write your goals on a piece of paper. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because you know your goals mentally, it's a waste of time putting them on paper. I learned my lessons the hard way. I did not believe it would make any difference whether my goals were written down or not. I was proven wrong. Like most people, I used to think of some goals I would like to achieve. Without writing them down, I was limited in the number of goals I could mentally remember. After a period of time, I would reach a few of my goals and I would forget about a few others that were still important to me. It's only when I started to record them on paper first and later in my computer that I was reminded of all my goals whenever I needed a reminder.
Recording my goals on my computer helped me to make wise choices and to set priorities. The process gave me an opportunity to reassess the goals and ask myself whether they were based on valid principles. I started to make a lot more progress once they were on paper. One goal after another was achieved and I got a lot more feedback. I could refer back to all the goals that I had already achieved which previously without any record I could not do. As a result I became more focused and motivated. Guess what? My self-confidence and self-esteem got a big boost. I was riding the "virtuous circle" since confidence breeds confidence. As my goals were reached, I set new and higher goals. Now one of my most important goals is to write and talk about the principles of personal management and development which I believe are essential life skills.
Building up your self-image and your self-esteem has to be one of the most worthwhile goals you can have. Together with a positive mental attitude, it is a prerequisite to your self-management and self-development. You need to focus on measurable, manageable and meaningful goals. It is better to set your goals slightly higher than what may seem realistic. For one thing, easy goals are not challenging and are usually of no great benefit to you. By aiming big, you have to be more committed and more creative. At the same time, be reasonable and set goals that are fitting to your degree of expertise. Don't set your goals so high that they overwhelm you and keep you from starting in the first place.
Remember that goals based on greed more than anything else have destroyed many ambitious people. Appropriate expectations prevent grievous disappointments and frustrations. In any case, reality will take care of itself and will dictate adjustments accordingly. As long as you remain flexible in your approach, there is no point in limiting yourself unnecessarily right from the start. Little changes along the way do not mean that you have to abandon your goal. Successful people who accomplish major goals remain open to new information and change, and are persistent in their commitment and resourceful in the face of problems and challenges.
You can have a number of goals related to all aspects of your life, for example: family and social life, financial security, spiritual growth, physical health, relationship, education and career. Don’t just have material and financial goals. Have a variety of goals in all aspects of your life.
While it is essential to have some plans and goals, try not to impose too much order and rigidity in your life. It is also important to maintain flexibility and to remember that life is not just a series of predictable achievements. If your goals are set with the intent to make good things happen in your life and in the lives of others including your family, you can expect some positive results. Set goals that resonate with what your heart desires based on humane values.
It is very rare that one accomplishes all one's goals all the time. You may not achieve all your goals completely as you would wish but you can expect to accomplish most of them provided you commit yourself and have the discipline to work at them. Once you have mastered the habit of establishing goals in alignment with your core values and beliefs, you begin to experience a sense of accomplishment. Believe in yourself and have faith in your abilities. By setting your goals and taking action, you will start to feel an increase in confidence and in your ability to overcome unforeseen obstacles along the way.
Extract from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Convert ideas to actions
CONVERT IDEAS TO ACTIONS
Living a purposeful life requires you to devote yourself to fulfilling your personal mission statement. You have concentrated your attention upon where you want to go and what you want to become. You may want all of or a combination of the following: money, health, education, faith, relationship, success, recognition and creative expression. However, it is not enough just to visualize or imagine something. Vision, information and knowledge are only potential power until they are converted into results through effective actions. Ideas and intentions are fine but without commitment and action you can never realize your goal. You don't achieve your goal simply by wishing and wanting it. To achieve your purpose in life, you must be able to progress from having a global picture of what you want to accomplish in your lifetime to taking action. Your thoughts, ideas and choices need to be converted into decisive actions. This is where most people have doubts and uncertainty about their ability and the outcome. Some people find it difficult to act if they have to take risks. The risk of failure becomes a daunting barrier. The key is to acknowledge that there is a certain amount of risk and uncertainty while you remain focused on taking action. While you can expect some mistakes and setbacks in the process, you can develop life skills to cope and overcome them. You need to expect changes and be prepared to adapt and improvise. By being flexible and adaptive and by persevering, you will eventually achieve positive outcomes and experience success. It is when you act by striving to do your best that you have the opportunity to develop resilience and self-confidence. The whole process of converting ideas to actions should be done in alignment with your values, principles and purpose. This involves some careful thought about setting realistic goals and planning appropriate tasks. The challenges you face to accomplish your mission can best be summarized step by step as follows:
1. Determine your purpose
2. Create your vision
3. Set specific goals
4. Plan your strategy
5. Focus your energy
6. Get the proper tools
7. Take decisive actions
8. Monitor your progress
You should have a very good idea about your purpose in life by now if you have written your personal mission statement. The previous exercises have helped you to create a clearer vision of where you want to go and who you want to become.
The third step is to set your goals. What are your goals? Each of us will have to answer this question personally. Most people can relate to goals such as: be happy, become successful, build satisfying relationships and maintain good health. You can be given guidance and advice but in the end it is a decision you have to make on your own. Only you can decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Guided by your purpose in life, set realistic and manageable goals. It is important that your objectives are as specific as they can be.
You'll need to plan your strategy to help you focus your efforts toward achieving your goals. An action plan based on your strategy is a must, especially for major goals. List the actions that will be required to achieve your goals. Your plan should be specific and should spell out exactly how you are going to accomplish your goal. A proper plan is essential if you want to be rewarded with the desired results. The next step is to focus your energy through self-motivation, perseverance and readiness to make the required efforts. The sixth step is to acquire the physical and psychological tools you need to reach your goals. This step is often skipped because it is time consuming and requires commitment, concentration and discipline. It can be anything from training and overcoming obstacles to developing the required skills and confidence to see you through. The seventh step deals with taking charge. A good plan without action achieves nothing. It's time to put your plan into action. Now you move from the thinking and planning phase to taking decisive actions. The eighth step is to monitor your progress and to measure your achievements.
There should be a good balance between your home and work. Make sure your family relationships are not suffering while you are pursuing your professional responsibilities. You should monitor that you are functioning with positive characteristics such as honesty, integrity, kindness and respect. It is also very important that you have the capacity to enjoy and celebrate your little victories along the long and sometimes difficult road toward achieving your goals. These skills can be learned, refined to suit your particular circumstances and used over and over again as your journey in life takes you into uncharted territory.
When you are ready to convert ideas into actions, pull out the anchor. Set your sails and cast away. Keep your eyes all the time on your Northern Star, your personal mission statement.
Extract from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Living a purposeful life requires you to devote yourself to fulfilling your personal mission statement. You have concentrated your attention upon where you want to go and what you want to become. You may want all of or a combination of the following: money, health, education, faith, relationship, success, recognition and creative expression. However, it is not enough just to visualize or imagine something. Vision, information and knowledge are only potential power until they are converted into results through effective actions. Ideas and intentions are fine but without commitment and action you can never realize your goal. You don't achieve your goal simply by wishing and wanting it. To achieve your purpose in life, you must be able to progress from having a global picture of what you want to accomplish in your lifetime to taking action. Your thoughts, ideas and choices need to be converted into decisive actions. This is where most people have doubts and uncertainty about their ability and the outcome. Some people find it difficult to act if they have to take risks. The risk of failure becomes a daunting barrier. The key is to acknowledge that there is a certain amount of risk and uncertainty while you remain focused on taking action. While you can expect some mistakes and setbacks in the process, you can develop life skills to cope and overcome them. You need to expect changes and be prepared to adapt and improvise. By being flexible and adaptive and by persevering, you will eventually achieve positive outcomes and experience success. It is when you act by striving to do your best that you have the opportunity to develop resilience and self-confidence. The whole process of converting ideas to actions should be done in alignment with your values, principles and purpose. This involves some careful thought about setting realistic goals and planning appropriate tasks. The challenges you face to accomplish your mission can best be summarized step by step as follows:
1. Determine your purpose
2. Create your vision
3. Set specific goals
4. Plan your strategy
5. Focus your energy
6. Get the proper tools
7. Take decisive actions
8. Monitor your progress
You should have a very good idea about your purpose in life by now if you have written your personal mission statement. The previous exercises have helped you to create a clearer vision of where you want to go and who you want to become.
The third step is to set your goals. What are your goals? Each of us will have to answer this question personally. Most people can relate to goals such as: be happy, become successful, build satisfying relationships and maintain good health. You can be given guidance and advice but in the end it is a decision you have to make on your own. Only you can decide what you want to do for the rest of your life. Guided by your purpose in life, set realistic and manageable goals. It is important that your objectives are as specific as they can be.
You'll need to plan your strategy to help you focus your efforts toward achieving your goals. An action plan based on your strategy is a must, especially for major goals. List the actions that will be required to achieve your goals. Your plan should be specific and should spell out exactly how you are going to accomplish your goal. A proper plan is essential if you want to be rewarded with the desired results. The next step is to focus your energy through self-motivation, perseverance and readiness to make the required efforts. The sixth step is to acquire the physical and psychological tools you need to reach your goals. This step is often skipped because it is time consuming and requires commitment, concentration and discipline. It can be anything from training and overcoming obstacles to developing the required skills and confidence to see you through. The seventh step deals with taking charge. A good plan without action achieves nothing. It's time to put your plan into action. Now you move from the thinking and planning phase to taking decisive actions. The eighth step is to monitor your progress and to measure your achievements.
There should be a good balance between your home and work. Make sure your family relationships are not suffering while you are pursuing your professional responsibilities. You should monitor that you are functioning with positive characteristics such as honesty, integrity, kindness and respect. It is also very important that you have the capacity to enjoy and celebrate your little victories along the long and sometimes difficult road toward achieving your goals. These skills can be learned, refined to suit your particular circumstances and used over and over again as your journey in life takes you into uncharted territory.
When you are ready to convert ideas into actions, pull out the anchor. Set your sails and cast away. Keep your eyes all the time on your Northern Star, your personal mission statement.
Extract from my book: Become your best
www.kintue-fee.com
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Healthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships
Deeply ingrained in human nature, the desire to control our destiny occurs in everyone’s life, with varying degree and intensity. Not only do we want to control our life, sometimes we also want to control the behaviours of others. After all, control over others is power. Unfortunately, it’s very easy to abuse this power and domination over others.
Some people mistake the control over one’s own destiny and the destiny of others as being a necessary condition for ensuring their happiness and contentment. These people tend to be control freaks. They want to control everything, and in so doing they drive you crazy. They can be an overbearing father, an overprotective mother, an autocratic boss, a manipulative friend, or a jealous spouse. These are people who want to change you and your behaviours. They want to tell you what to do, and if they could they would run your lives. Their ego plays brilliantly on their fundamental fear of losing control, and of the unknown. They will use intimidation, manipulation, reason and logic, and emotional exploitation to try to persuade you to do things their way.
On the other extreme, there are people who hate confrontation to such a point that they always give in to others. These people tend to be treated accommodating doormats with other people walking all over them. They can be shy people, followers, colleagues without any initiative, abused spouses, yes-men, people who cannot decide for themselves. These are people who will do what they are told whether they like it or not. They tend to let others impose their will on them because they hate confrontation, have low self-worth and self-confidence, have no initiative, are laissez-faire type of people.
Under normal circumstances, most of us are somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. When we interact with others we like that our relationship follow a certain path. We are not comfortable being with people whose behaviours are unpredictable, irrational or puzzling to us. Sometimes we want to the leaders, and at other times we are quite happy to follow others. Regardless, we all have a certain amount of control on others and ourselves.
People’s behaviour is fundamentally selfish in nature. We are all looking after our self interest. And it is no different in the realm of personal relationships. Even when we act benevolently toward others, most of the time we don’t do it out of altruism. We do so in the expectation of being recognized and rewarded by some reciprocal act of kindness in the future. It’s like having a deposit account where we are depositing favours, and acts of kindness. In times of needs, we expect that we can call on the past beneficiaries, and successfully draw from that deposit account.
Let’s take, for example, the maxim, “Honesty is the best policy” in a relationship context. Many people can honestly say to spouses that they have never been unfaithful to them. However, how many of them have really had the opportunity of having an affair or a one night stand, but have genuinely refuse the offer. How many of them would engage in sexual activities with other partners if they were sure that they would not be caught? How many of them are not tempted because they are scared of sexually transmitted diseases like aids and venereal diseases? The controlling factors for fidelity are not necessarily love, respect and loyalty to their spouses, but rather a combination of other factors as described above.
We have the tendency of trying to influence others so that they will see things from our point of view. Everything is fine when people agree with us, and when our values and beliefs systems coincide. Once there is difference of opinions and conflicts, the relationship is in distress. It’s much more difficult to have the habit of putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. To have healthy interactions, we need to develop relationships based on mutual love and trust. When there is disagreement, try to find a win-win solution.
You need to learn when to combat the control that others want to impose on you, and when to accommodate them to create respectful and trustful relationships. Don’t let someone’s else controlling behaviour dictate how you live your life. Take control of your life and relationship. Be assertive and don’t let control freaks dominate or victimize you. Be flexible, think in terms of preference rather than in terms of must have or must be like that.
Most human relationships consist of people interacting mentally and emotionally with each other. Healthy human relationships need commitment, caring, compatibility, communication and compromise. You need to give up the illusion of control. You certainly need to have a positive mental attitude and a healthy self-esteem. No relationship can thrive without you being in touch with your inner self and having a relationship with God. When all is said and done, everything in life that truly matters can be boiled down to meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Life is a series of relationships; the rest is just the mechanics of life.
Check out my books and seminars in my website: http://www.kintue-fee.com/
Deeply ingrained in human nature, the desire to control our destiny occurs in everyone’s life, with varying degree and intensity. Not only do we want to control our life, sometimes we also want to control the behaviours of others. After all, control over others is power. Unfortunately, it’s very easy to abuse this power and domination over others.
Some people mistake the control over one’s own destiny and the destiny of others as being a necessary condition for ensuring their happiness and contentment. These people tend to be control freaks. They want to control everything, and in so doing they drive you crazy. They can be an overbearing father, an overprotective mother, an autocratic boss, a manipulative friend, or a jealous spouse. These are people who want to change you and your behaviours. They want to tell you what to do, and if they could they would run your lives. Their ego plays brilliantly on their fundamental fear of losing control, and of the unknown. They will use intimidation, manipulation, reason and logic, and emotional exploitation to try to persuade you to do things their way.
On the other extreme, there are people who hate confrontation to such a point that they always give in to others. These people tend to be treated accommodating doormats with other people walking all over them. They can be shy people, followers, colleagues without any initiative, abused spouses, yes-men, people who cannot decide for themselves. These are people who will do what they are told whether they like it or not. They tend to let others impose their will on them because they hate confrontation, have low self-worth and self-confidence, have no initiative, are laissez-faire type of people.
Under normal circumstances, most of us are somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. When we interact with others we like that our relationship follow a certain path. We are not comfortable being with people whose behaviours are unpredictable, irrational or puzzling to us. Sometimes we want to the leaders, and at other times we are quite happy to follow others. Regardless, we all have a certain amount of control on others and ourselves.
People’s behaviour is fundamentally selfish in nature. We are all looking after our self interest. And it is no different in the realm of personal relationships. Even when we act benevolently toward others, most of the time we don’t do it out of altruism. We do so in the expectation of being recognized and rewarded by some reciprocal act of kindness in the future. It’s like having a deposit account where we are depositing favours, and acts of kindness. In times of needs, we expect that we can call on the past beneficiaries, and successfully draw from that deposit account.
Let’s take, for example, the maxim, “Honesty is the best policy” in a relationship context. Many people can honestly say to spouses that they have never been unfaithful to them. However, how many of them have really had the opportunity of having an affair or a one night stand, but have genuinely refuse the offer. How many of them would engage in sexual activities with other partners if they were sure that they would not be caught? How many of them are not tempted because they are scared of sexually transmitted diseases like aids and venereal diseases? The controlling factors for fidelity are not necessarily love, respect and loyalty to their spouses, but rather a combination of other factors as described above.
We have the tendency of trying to influence others so that they will see things from our point of view. Everything is fine when people agree with us, and when our values and beliefs systems coincide. Once there is difference of opinions and conflicts, the relationship is in distress. It’s much more difficult to have the habit of putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. To have healthy interactions, we need to develop relationships based on mutual love and trust. When there is disagreement, try to find a win-win solution.
You need to learn when to combat the control that others want to impose on you, and when to accommodate them to create respectful and trustful relationships. Don’t let someone’s else controlling behaviour dictate how you live your life. Take control of your life and relationship. Be assertive and don’t let control freaks dominate or victimize you. Be flexible, think in terms of preference rather than in terms of must have or must be like that.
Most human relationships consist of people interacting mentally and emotionally with each other. Healthy human relationships need commitment, caring, compatibility, communication and compromise. You need to give up the illusion of control. You certainly need to have a positive mental attitude and a healthy self-esteem. No relationship can thrive without you being in touch with your inner self and having a relationship with God. When all is said and done, everything in life that truly matters can be boiled down to meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Life is a series of relationships; the rest is just the mechanics of life.
Check out my books and seminars in my website: http://www.kintue-fee.com/
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Accept yourself and be self-reliant
ACCEPT YOURSELF AND BE SELF-RELIANT
Once you are aware of the reality and the truth about yourself, you are able to understand why you are the way you are and behave the way you behave. Most importantly, you will learn to love and accept yourself as you are. You must accept who you are at the present even though you want to change and become a better person. Accepting yourself and being self-reliant put your well-being into your own hands. Acceptance of self is surrendering to what is: our circumstances, our values and beliefs, our emotions and feelings, our problems, our strengths and shortcomings, our financial status, our dreams and goals, our relationships with other people, and our procrastination.
You are a special and unique individual. From birth to death, the only person you can count on to be there with you during good and bad times is YOU. Understand that you are the one person on whom you can and should depend at all times. Become your best friend because you are going to spend all your time together. You might as well enjoy your company. Don't spend your life trying to be somebody else. The easiest thing to be in the world is yourself. Simplify your life, come as you are. You don't need to seek external confirmation of your ability, integrity and worth. You have feelings and opinions about yourself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Have a compassionate attitude toward yourself on the inside and on the outside, and don't undermine your self-esteem. Self-acceptance means in essence learning the lesson of compassion for oneself.
If there are some mistakes you made or some aspects of your personality you want to work on, accept these facts and try to do something positive about them. All things in life are imperfect, including you. When you accept your imperfection, you can embrace life and try to enhance yourself. Accept your life experiences, attitudes and emotional reactions. Make a commitment to accept and trust your intention with respect to people, situations and aspirations. There are many things about which you can do nothing so why not accept them and do the best you can with what you have. For example, you cannot change some of the characteristics that were given to you at birth. You may be short or tall, you may be dark or fair skinned and you may have an aptitude for figures and facts or for abstract subjects. You can accept yourself as you are and yet keep helping yourself to become better in areas you can improve. Have the confidence to be yourself and improve yourself in areas of your choice. Don't hide the natural you under all kinds of artificial masks and disguises. You don't need to have a major surgical operation or a face lift to feel lovable. To have self-reliance and confidence, you have to understand and develop your self-awareness. As you become more aware of your self-acceptance, you can move toward growth and fulfillment without fear.
Your reality is the values, beliefs, ideas, experiences and attitudes you have right now. You must understand the basis of the present reality and know that you are doing your best within your personal reality. The key to change is to accept your behaviour and other people's behaviour without judgement and without imposing your values on others. Realize that no one must change just to make you feel better. What you have to do is reevaluate your self-awareness. See whether you can enhance the clarity and vision with which you perceive and understand everything that affects your life. If something or someone is disturbing you physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually, you can change your reaction to the disturbing source by your conscious thoughts and decisions. Evaluate the potential benefits of changing your self-awareness and choose your response and reaction accordingly.
Recognition of our self-worth as a person is a crucial factor in building self-acceptance. Practically all our problems are the results of how we feel about ourselves. Our self-esteem is based on our personal self-acceptance and perception as a worthy or unworthy individual. It is the foundation on which to build our whole life. Often, people judge themselves almost exclusively in terms of achievement, prestige, power, money and physical attractiveness. They tend to be more preoccupied with how other people feel about them than how they feel about themselves. They feel bad if they cannot meet other people's expectations, paying less attention to their own needs and aspirations. They have a strong fear of rejection and failure, never daring to allow themselves to be rejected.
From an early age, you have been used to being compared to others. Do not compare yourself to others or judge yourself by comparison. There is absolutely no need for it. You rarely compare yourself with others that are worse off than you. You usually compare yourself with friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues and famous people who are better off than you in one way or another. Making self-defeating comparisons is not a helpful thing to do. It is counterproductive and undermines your self-esteem. When you compare yourself unfavourably with other people in terms of educational qualifications, physical attributes, social status and wealth, you open yourself to self-doubt. You undermine your self-confidence and become discouraged to strive effectively to fulfill your own potential. If you allow this type of negative thinking to take over, it's not long before you feel resentful, discontented and depressed.
You can always find someone who is better or worse than you if you look hard enough. The person who compares himself or herself to others tends to live in a state of frustration and envy. He or she is always trying to do better than the next person. In the process, life loses its enjoyment. If you are confident and sure of yourself and your abilities, you don't feel the need to compete or compare yourself with others. Your sense of self-worth should not depend on how you measure up in comparison to others, but whether you remain true to your personal priorities and values. Don't worry whether other people are better off than you, create a lifestyle that meets your needs, aspirations and desires. The only thing that matters in the end is how you think of your own achievement based on your own efforts and abilities.
Self-reliance is the belief that you can handle things, solve your problems and become successful. Unfortunately, many people have the habit of depending on others, abdicating all personal authority and responsibility in favour of another person, organization, government, or religion. They permit this person, group or religion to be responsible for their happiness. They then have the luxury of having someone or something to blame whenever failure occurs. Since childhood, most of us have been conditioned to look at others for our welfare, and for guidance and wisdom. First it was our parents, then our teachers and later on our partners, colleagues, mentors, advisors and role models. While dependency plays an important role in our early upbringing and education, it was never intended to obliterate individual identity, personality and responsibility. It is very important to realize that even children should be encouraged to be self-reliant and should be given as much responsibility as they can handle at an early age. Every time you do something that your children are capable and willing to do for themselves, you may be undermining their self-esteem and confidence. Allow them to do whatever they can, even though it may not be done as well as what you expect. Allow them to make mistakes as long as the mistakes are not going to be catastrophic. Once they are willing to learn from them, most likely, they will not repeat them. They will know that, whatever they do, they either earn their own rewards or suffer the consequences of their mistakes.
You all have the innate ability to resolve most of the difficulties and problems you face. Ideas and solutions come easier when you are self-reliant and confident. You have a better chance to create options in situations where none seem to exist. If you are self-reliant, you don't need to blame others or external circumstances for the conditions of your life. You take responsibility for making your own decisions. You don't need to find somebody to depend on and to seek approval for everything you do. There will always be some people who disagree with you because we are all individuals with our own opinions and perceptions. When you meet disapproval, take it with a positive attitude. Think of self-enhancing thoughts rather than let the disapproval upset you. Trust yourself and believe in yourself. You don't have to argue or try to convince anyone of your belief and opinion. It is OK for people to have different opinions. You are what you choose to think and do, let others be what they want to be. You are able to meet life's challenges with confidence by looking at each situation in the light of reality.
Self-reliance does not mean that you should not accept or even ask for the much-needed help and assistance from others on occasion. It just means that you do not depend on them for your well-being, success and happiness. You cease to expect others to rescue you every time you are in trouble. It means you are secure within yourself taking full responsibility for your actions. You take personal responsibility for your successes and failures without blaming others for your lot in life. Self-reliance should not prevent you from asking for help when you need it. The nourishing effects of give-and-take, of assisting, of cooperating and of being helped do not preclude you from being self-reliant. Independence and reliance are valuable assets but they should not imply the rejection of other people's help. As you develop self-reliance, you will have the confidence to meet each life situation with self-assurance and poise. You will have more freedom to make better and wiser choices about the priorities in your life.
Extract from my book: Become your Best
www.kintue-fee.com
Once you are aware of the reality and the truth about yourself, you are able to understand why you are the way you are and behave the way you behave. Most importantly, you will learn to love and accept yourself as you are. You must accept who you are at the present even though you want to change and become a better person. Accepting yourself and being self-reliant put your well-being into your own hands. Acceptance of self is surrendering to what is: our circumstances, our values and beliefs, our emotions and feelings, our problems, our strengths and shortcomings, our financial status, our dreams and goals, our relationships with other people, and our procrastination.
You are a special and unique individual. From birth to death, the only person you can count on to be there with you during good and bad times is YOU. Understand that you are the one person on whom you can and should depend at all times. Become your best friend because you are going to spend all your time together. You might as well enjoy your company. Don't spend your life trying to be somebody else. The easiest thing to be in the world is yourself. Simplify your life, come as you are. You don't need to seek external confirmation of your ability, integrity and worth. You have feelings and opinions about yourself physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. Have a compassionate attitude toward yourself on the inside and on the outside, and don't undermine your self-esteem. Self-acceptance means in essence learning the lesson of compassion for oneself.
If there are some mistakes you made or some aspects of your personality you want to work on, accept these facts and try to do something positive about them. All things in life are imperfect, including you. When you accept your imperfection, you can embrace life and try to enhance yourself. Accept your life experiences, attitudes and emotional reactions. Make a commitment to accept and trust your intention with respect to people, situations and aspirations. There are many things about which you can do nothing so why not accept them and do the best you can with what you have. For example, you cannot change some of the characteristics that were given to you at birth. You may be short or tall, you may be dark or fair skinned and you may have an aptitude for figures and facts or for abstract subjects. You can accept yourself as you are and yet keep helping yourself to become better in areas you can improve. Have the confidence to be yourself and improve yourself in areas of your choice. Don't hide the natural you under all kinds of artificial masks and disguises. You don't need to have a major surgical operation or a face lift to feel lovable. To have self-reliance and confidence, you have to understand and develop your self-awareness. As you become more aware of your self-acceptance, you can move toward growth and fulfillment without fear.
Your reality is the values, beliefs, ideas, experiences and attitudes you have right now. You must understand the basis of the present reality and know that you are doing your best within your personal reality. The key to change is to accept your behaviour and other people's behaviour without judgement and without imposing your values on others. Realize that no one must change just to make you feel better. What you have to do is reevaluate your self-awareness. See whether you can enhance the clarity and vision with which you perceive and understand everything that affects your life. If something or someone is disturbing you physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually, you can change your reaction to the disturbing source by your conscious thoughts and decisions. Evaluate the potential benefits of changing your self-awareness and choose your response and reaction accordingly.
Recognition of our self-worth as a person is a crucial factor in building self-acceptance. Practically all our problems are the results of how we feel about ourselves. Our self-esteem is based on our personal self-acceptance and perception as a worthy or unworthy individual. It is the foundation on which to build our whole life. Often, people judge themselves almost exclusively in terms of achievement, prestige, power, money and physical attractiveness. They tend to be more preoccupied with how other people feel about them than how they feel about themselves. They feel bad if they cannot meet other people's expectations, paying less attention to their own needs and aspirations. They have a strong fear of rejection and failure, never daring to allow themselves to be rejected.
From an early age, you have been used to being compared to others. Do not compare yourself to others or judge yourself by comparison. There is absolutely no need for it. You rarely compare yourself with others that are worse off than you. You usually compare yourself with friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues and famous people who are better off than you in one way or another. Making self-defeating comparisons is not a helpful thing to do. It is counterproductive and undermines your self-esteem. When you compare yourself unfavourably with other people in terms of educational qualifications, physical attributes, social status and wealth, you open yourself to self-doubt. You undermine your self-confidence and become discouraged to strive effectively to fulfill your own potential. If you allow this type of negative thinking to take over, it's not long before you feel resentful, discontented and depressed.
You can always find someone who is better or worse than you if you look hard enough. The person who compares himself or herself to others tends to live in a state of frustration and envy. He or she is always trying to do better than the next person. In the process, life loses its enjoyment. If you are confident and sure of yourself and your abilities, you don't feel the need to compete or compare yourself with others. Your sense of self-worth should not depend on how you measure up in comparison to others, but whether you remain true to your personal priorities and values. Don't worry whether other people are better off than you, create a lifestyle that meets your needs, aspirations and desires. The only thing that matters in the end is how you think of your own achievement based on your own efforts and abilities.
Self-reliance is the belief that you can handle things, solve your problems and become successful. Unfortunately, many people have the habit of depending on others, abdicating all personal authority and responsibility in favour of another person, organization, government, or religion. They permit this person, group or religion to be responsible for their happiness. They then have the luxury of having someone or something to blame whenever failure occurs. Since childhood, most of us have been conditioned to look at others for our welfare, and for guidance and wisdom. First it was our parents, then our teachers and later on our partners, colleagues, mentors, advisors and role models. While dependency plays an important role in our early upbringing and education, it was never intended to obliterate individual identity, personality and responsibility. It is very important to realize that even children should be encouraged to be self-reliant and should be given as much responsibility as they can handle at an early age. Every time you do something that your children are capable and willing to do for themselves, you may be undermining their self-esteem and confidence. Allow them to do whatever they can, even though it may not be done as well as what you expect. Allow them to make mistakes as long as the mistakes are not going to be catastrophic. Once they are willing to learn from them, most likely, they will not repeat them. They will know that, whatever they do, they either earn their own rewards or suffer the consequences of their mistakes.
You all have the innate ability to resolve most of the difficulties and problems you face. Ideas and solutions come easier when you are self-reliant and confident. You have a better chance to create options in situations where none seem to exist. If you are self-reliant, you don't need to blame others or external circumstances for the conditions of your life. You take responsibility for making your own decisions. You don't need to find somebody to depend on and to seek approval for everything you do. There will always be some people who disagree with you because we are all individuals with our own opinions and perceptions. When you meet disapproval, take it with a positive attitude. Think of self-enhancing thoughts rather than let the disapproval upset you. Trust yourself and believe in yourself. You don't have to argue or try to convince anyone of your belief and opinion. It is OK for people to have different opinions. You are what you choose to think and do, let others be what they want to be. You are able to meet life's challenges with confidence by looking at each situation in the light of reality.
Self-reliance does not mean that you should not accept or even ask for the much-needed help and assistance from others on occasion. It just means that you do not depend on them for your well-being, success and happiness. You cease to expect others to rescue you every time you are in trouble. It means you are secure within yourself taking full responsibility for your actions. You take personal responsibility for your successes and failures without blaming others for your lot in life. Self-reliance should not prevent you from asking for help when you need it. The nourishing effects of give-and-take, of assisting, of cooperating and of being helped do not preclude you from being self-reliant. Independence and reliance are valuable assets but they should not imply the rejection of other people's help. As you develop self-reliance, you will have the confidence to meet each life situation with self-assurance and poise. You will have more freedom to make better and wiser choices about the priorities in your life.
Extract from my book: Become your Best
www.kintue-fee.com
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